Hindsight

Having driven every day for several hours made me reflect about how much free time I really had in college. I did exaggerate about being busy. I wish I could go back and spend more time. I could have driven and visited everyday. I only visited once, on a Wednesday. That was three years ago, this month. And I ended it there.

“No Reply”
Composed and Arranged by Yoko Kanno
Words by Tim Jensen
Vocals by Steve Conte (5:59)

Like the perfect ending
It’s won’t be too long
Till everything I’ve ruined has seen me gone
In time, I pray you’ll forgive
Now you know the man I am
Can you forgive me?

I fall
Like the sands of time
Like some broken rhyme
At feet no longer there

If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
This was my life
It never made much sense to me

With every lie that I lived
Part of me would fade
Into this empty shadow I’ve become
And now I feel so numb
I no longer know myself
But I still know you

I call
And there’s no reply
Like some phantom cry
On ears too far away

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you
Here lies my life
It never felt that real to me

You’ll always mean so much to me
And there’s no reply
And there’s no reply
You’ll never know how much you mean to me

You’ll always mean so much to me
And there’s no reply
And there’s no reply
You’ll never know how much you mean to me

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you

You in my life
It all meant so much more to me

In November of 1999, I left a job where I was working with a lot of great people. Now, I work alone and usually the boss is in his office. So my daily communication consists of talking to people online or talking to him… or talking to my parents. Luckily, this hasn’t hit me as bad as it did that November. It would be a lie to say that I’m not friendsick (that is, I miss seeing my friends), especially when I’m living at home and not rooming with friends, for instance. I do miss Costa Mesa, that was probably the most fun I had. Anyway, I have to remember what I’m doing here. Sacrifices here and there with hopes that I can balance it all.

I am behind in writing a review for Gamecritics. Definitely feeling desperately behind, but I’ll be catching up tonight and this weekend. By next week I should be adjusted to everything fine.

It is frightening. This weekend is going to be shorter than I want it to, just because I need to catch up on a few things. I don’t want to overwork myself, which is why I’m weblogging right now. I’m estimating tomorrow’s commute to Hollywood to be anywhere from one to one and a half hours.

Gamecritics review.
Freelance web project.
Those are the two are top priorities right now.

God I feel compelled to write more, write something. But I can’t think of anything else to say.