Hindsight

Utada Hikaru’s latest single, “COLORS” was released just yesterday. Also, Massive Attack’s latest album, “100th Window” hit the stores on the 28th.

Last night’s Yakyuu-dori hangout was good. It started out boring for me. Clay was talking to some people he met last week and I was shifting my attention between them and a television show. I had one of those blank stares through the television that turned out subtle. Eventually the place quieted down a little after 11 o’clock and I started talking and everyone was having a real good time.

Today I should have stayed home. Aiko sensei let me know that the first period class we planned to teach was cancelled, so I sat in front of my laptop most of the day. I won three games of solitaire on my laptop and proceeded to try to update some of my websites, making little progress. Either I’m just really tired or the keroscene floating in the room got to my head - I was dozing off and before I knew it I’d be trying to wake up from a super comfy nap.

Even for lunch I didn’t feel like eating with 2-2 (my favorite class to eat with), so I stayed at my desk. I am almost out of this cough…so far it seems pretty suppressed. So perhaps the lack of classes today was a blessing in disguise - I got to stay in the warm staff room the whole day.

I sent about half my paycheck home and since Clay’s been over the other half went faster then expected (eating out more, etc). Looks like I’m running close again, which is embarassing but I do need to send money home every month. Lori sent me skymail again asking if I made up my mind yet. I told her I’m leaning towards home.

This weekend I’m not doing much. I’m hoping to just sleep in some more, get a haircut and relax a bit. Clayton’s actually heading back to Tokyo/Akihabara this Saturday morning. So I will be doing some errands and just contemplating for next week.

It started snowing today. Apparently this happened for only two days last year in Kitakyushu, according to the high school ALT across the street. So today it was comin down. I can’t see outside at the moment but I do know one thing: it’s fargin’ cold. I had two classes today. One was so so and the other one had a girl who always look like she’s just about to give life the finger. Like she’s not full of misery, but of misery and angst as well.

It’s the little things that get to me in these classes. The seemingly dead mantra of students repeating a dialogue or giving up on games. They have great impact on me, for I am sensitive. I emailed a friend up in Tokyo if there was any possible job opportunity outside of JET. But where will I find work outside of English teaching here and still survive? I’m definitely interested if I could find something.

Tonight Clay and I are hitting Yakyuu-dori again for some good eats and maybe a little alcohol. Yesterday’s “Bl@ck Mail” on London Hearts was funny. I could actually understand some more of it.

I woke up this morning with a dryer, but less dangerous, cough. The antibiotics, rest and such seemed to work out. Yesterday I called in sick. I went to the hospital, got my antibiotics and rested the rest of the day with video games and good humor. That was all before the letter I received from my ex.

Today I’m in the shokuinshitsu with not much of a cough. I’m sure that once I step outside into the cold (we’re actually getting flurries of snow again), it’ll come back. But I’m doing better than I have been in a few days. I’m trying to drink more liquids now.

Morizono sensei isn’t in. Makes sense - the 3rd year students have their high school entrance exams now. I picked up a Pocky pack with Pretz, Pocky and a Morning Musume mirror of sorts (she and her daughter love Morning Musume). Another teacher put it under her desk and I wasn’t sure why, then I asked him. Of course, the students can’t have snacks. So it would be bad even to see one around a teacher’s desk.

This week has only a spattering of classes. My ichi-nensei run is over, apparently. This week it’s just ni and san nensei. Next week it’s back to Chiyo JHS. When I return to Tahara, there will be a new set of ichi nensei, and everyone else will have moved up a grade level. It’ll be interesting to see everyone in diff homerooms. Perhaps that brings with it new attitudes.

Maybe it had something to do with the snow but they started broadcasting music during souji today. It was a compilation of all the orchestrations you’d hear in one song. And it sounded like it was from the 80s. Good times. Once gain, I had a gut instinct to bring my still camera, but I didn’t. Knowing my luck, I won’t be able to take a picture of the snow by the time I get home. Damn.

I taught one class today. This was good for my health. The staff room is perfectly toasty, I nearly fell asleep again while working on my laptop. The lucky class today was 2-1. It was a lesson that the other classes had done a few weeks back (Could you tell me the way to…) Oda kun started laughing and I wasn’t sure why, so while I was in the middle of the model dialogue, I jumped to “Sure. Go down this street and Oda kun what are you laughin’ about!” randomly. The whole class started cracking up and Oda realized the err of his ways. He knew I was joking with him and the class was entertained by that little thing. Oh the things we can do.

Several days ago when I was driving back from Orange County to La Verne (home) with my father, I asked him something.

“Dad, why is it that we changed our name to Wong?” (My legal birthname is Boonyapitak).

“When I was living in Thailand, we [got a lot of flak] for having a Chinese last name, so I changed it.”

“Your father was Thai wasn’t he?” I asked.
“No…”
I looked aside for a moment.

“But your mom is Chinese, right?”
“That’s right,” my father replied.

I was confused. “So both of them were Chinese? What about the others?”

“My brothers and sister’s changed their last names when I did to Boonyapitak.”

I experienced what I like to call “a moment”.

“So I have no Thai blood in me…”
“That’s right.”

A pause. “I didn’t know that.”

“…Now you know…”

For twenty four years I have never really asked about my father’s parents, and I always thought that his father was Thai and that his mother was Chinese. But after a simple inquiry as to why we changed our name from a Thai last name to simply “Wong”, I now know. What makes it even more significant is that fact that I have always wondered who I really am, what identity I really take on, etcetera, etcetera. So, for technical clarification, I am Chinese/Filipino by blood, but Thai/Chinese/Filipino by tradition.

This is an honestly amazing thing to have discovered over the holiday vacation.

I got back from San Diego this evening just slightly before midnight. It’s now Sunday. My last day to rest about. Tomorrow is the flight back to Japan.

This vacation has been really good to me. I have been able to visit everyone I said I’d visit and got showered with wonderful Christmas gifts. L found the iPod and so I am actually using it right now, putting it through its paces. So far it’s a wonderful, tiny portable music player and I’m pleased. Truly stylish as well.

I was just talking to my friend Sean about weblogs. Lately, all that I find worth working on is that of the personal, the real. I mean, this journal is just about the only thing I’ve put thought into - my website has been quiet for months with no sign that I actually came to Japan. I’ve never really ‘advertised’ my personal site here, and vice versa. I’d rather not at the moment.

I saw “Catch Me If You Can” a few days ago. This must be Spielberg’s ‘vacation film’ because it’s nothing ambitious after seeing “A.I.” and “Minority Report”. It seemed relatively predictable, nothing new. But it was a nice, effortless view.

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Jumping back to San Diego… the drive to and fro was fairly short.. an hour and a half. Both times in the evening. Driving 80 seemed to be the common speed, changing lanes to let the speeders run by and to avoid the slower ones.

This time around I was really swimming in thought - Monday I go back home to Japan. I still find it how accepting I am of calling it ‘home’. Right now I feel very sad - I’m going to miss my friends again. Yet at the same time, I have at least six months of new experiences and situations.

Having been here for two weeks, I find myself shifting thoughts about re-contracting. One of my closest friends said “I hope not to see you in six months.” I visited a few other friends on Friday night and they all said, in unison, “stay”. Easy for them of course, as they have not been through the program. But still, I know what they mean of course. When is the next time I will come back to Japan if I leave? Probably not for a very long time, even if just for a sightseeing excursion. I still don’t know.

Still, as I’ve said before, my childhood dream of going to Japan has been fulfilled. All that’s left is seeing Akihabara, which is easily approachable come Spring Break. With the rest of life unplanned / unwritten, I could be happy going back, knowing that I’ve accomplished one of my dreams…