Hindsight

The first: October 7, 2003. Huntington Beach, California. Foggy drive home. The second: Yesterday.

A few weeks ago I would open the front door, looking at the ground to see if packages had arrived for things I won off eBay. Such hasn’t happened now and soon I won’t have this sort of view. Wednesday I start working.

I’m listening to “Kaihukusuru Kizu” from Shunji Iwai’s film “All About Lily Chou Chou”. I dug it up from the mp3 folders because it was used in “Kill Bill”. I had a feeling I’d heard the song before last Friday when I watched the film. “Wait a second,” I thought. I know that song…

I never got to see “All About Lily Chou Chou“, but I will soon.

Last night I thought about things that would keep me busy once I start working. That is, aside from work. I thought about my fantasies of playing the drums or writing more for future video projects. And I really need to attend to both of those somehow. Such thoughts got me out of a rut that I was in yesterday - I was at my cousins’ housewarming party that eventually turned into a gathering for their friends. In a few hours the place was filled with everyone around my age. Lots of great looking girls and their boyfriends. I left early feeling lonely and having nothing in common to chat with. Most attempts to talk lasted but a few minutes before fizzling out. I felt sad.

It is a little past two months since I left Japan. I’ve gained weight, naturally - no more walking and sitting in a car does not make James happy. But c’est la vie here in Southern California. Taking up rollerblading suddenly seems very, very attractive.

I am not sure how I’ll feel in a week. I certainly won’t be starved of work or peace. But I would like to see where else my curiosities with creativity take me. I’m optimistic, for once.